July 11, 2024, 2:17pm
I turned 50 this past March. I was in the ICU so ill and unable to swallow. I lost over 45 pounds from a muscle/nerve/fat eating virus that pinned me to the hospital bed demanding I relent from all my dreams of this lifetime. I refused.
I find it interesting that I went back to college during Covid to obtain yet another degree, only this one a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Creative Writing. However, I still find myself in a quandary to find the words to describe exactly what I went through. There are days I think, what does it matter. Then there are days I think, it does matter. Our stories matter. That is why we are here. We didn’t choose life because it already had meaning. We chose life to give it meaning. Creating, writing, singing, dancing, drumming, speaking, and more, gives life meaning.
Last summer I turned a corner from Lyme. Things were not perfect, but that word is illusion. I was beginning to connect with fragments of a familiar life, prior to the tick bite. November came, something awful came with it. A microscopic dragon seeking to devour. I got through the worst, we thought. Then, the new year came and into the ER I went. A jaunt to the ICU led to a skip to rehab which led to a jump to a long covid clinic. Here we are July 2024, and I am learning how to swallow again. I am dependent on the love and help of family for everything except farting. That I can do on my own. This leads me to another rabbit trail of confession. I used to hold in my gas because I was told ladies do not pass gas. That’s a cultural lie. Ladies don’t suffer for the sake of someone else’s offense.
I would like to say I had the best of care in these facilities. Locally, it wasn’t great care. When I was transferred to a specialty clinic for the second time, things improved in the kindness department. This was some new hell I wish on no one ever. One day I may write about the whole experience in detail but for today I will get back on the music update highway.
Two Sunday’s ago, was my third show, playing with Jared on stage again. Something I wasn’t sure would ever happen. I was waiting for all the ducks to line up, but they never did. After the near-death experience at my fifth hospital stay March 2024, we decided it was time to learn how to make music work in my new condition.
I am slowly learning how to play whistles, keys, strings, percussion, and sing in the supine position from the wheelchair. I have an incredible case of POTS which makes my heart rate and blood pressure go dangerously high if I go vertical. My body gets random treasures which can make for interesting rhythm at times and the muscles cramp, giving me a fine opportunity to create accessible chord positions.
The team has been amazing. They cart me, my chair, and commode around like it’s just another piece of equipment. They make no fuss about it. Jared is a true ROCKSTAR both in song and deed. I believe I would absolutely do the same for him any day of the week and twice on Sundays, God forbid it be required.
The humans living in our home are all compassionate and strong beings. Faith is her name, pure and simple. She is levelheaded, hilarious, and full of a strong belief that nothing is over till it is over. She takes a leading role when necessary and does it with finesse and humor. She is a Junior at a wonderful college on the East coast studying Digital Photography. Grace is a Senior and a wonderful homeschool and is preparing for four years of college at a local art school. She is confident, sassy, and loves her siblings well. Cohen is a sixth grader at a wonderful homeschool and shines in all things rapping, quick one liners, dancing, video games, and more. They all spread joy wherever they go. Adam is loyal, kind, occasionally grumpy, a strong leader in all things soup making and discipline of mind and body. He is a ROCK that came to help build the foundation of this home when it was crumbling and everyone else ran. Chronic illness can really throw things upside down and it did indeed. Our precious family would not be where we are without the help and love of so many. Not the same so manys we had prior to the illness but angels always show up at just the right time.
I came out of this most recent experience with a gift that has come in quite handy in many occasions. I have been blessed with the ability to see through the veil when needed. Animals love to talk, the trees, flowers, those we call dead which are more alive than we, and more…and I can hear them. The stories are mounting and the lives this gift is touching is increasing. Back when we labeled ourselves as Evangelical Christians, we would call it something like a prophetic gift, but this seems like so much more, maybe in a similar vein. All in all, what a fun experience to say the least. So, if you are ever in need of someone to help interpret what your pet is trying to communicate, give me a call. I will do what I can to help.
This very long coming back to life journal entry is meant to update you on all the happenings with Annagail Music. Well, Annagail is now just our family. Jared and I. Faith joins us for vocals when her schedule allows, and the team comes to all our shows. In August we are making our trek down our first ever podcast lane. We are moving into music full time and finally hiring a booking agent after 20 plus years. As we age, we need more naps and way more hours in a day to accomplish the things we made look easy at 20 and even 30. I do think minus the tick bite, I would still be mostly unstoppable. Alas, here we are.
I have therapy weekly. I go to a long Covid clinic outpatient monthly. I do telehealth and work very hard to overcome every obstacle in from of me. Whatever it takes, we are doing it. You have my commitment; I will show up when humanly possible. When I can’t, Jared will represent us well.
We have some fun things coming down the pike. We hope you stick around. I think it is just beginning to get fun again. We are more honest and authentic now from the stage than ever before. We hope you can catch one of our live shows at some point. If you can’t we will continue to post online and all platforms. Comment, like, and share. It lets us know you are here and that matters to us.
One final thought, nothing else matters in this life than one another. Things and money do not matter more than people. Do they help make life fun, oh yes. The more we can detach from things and spend time making moments with each other, the more life expands. We want to expand with you in making more moments. Love always and forever!
Sparrow Adams